


count it out.

by cereal



Category: Big Bang Theory
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-12-24
Updated: 2009-12-24
Packaged: 2017-10-05 06:04:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 417
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/38541
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cereal/pseuds/cereal
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The ___ time Penny kisses Sheldon.</p>
            </blockquote>





	count it out.

**Author's Note:**

  * For [chelsey](https://archiveofourown.org/users/chelsey/gifts).



> CHELSEY I WANTED SO BAD TO WRITE YOU S/P and -- I couldn't get more than this 400 words of gibberish out. D: Someday I will do something worthy of your awesome!

The first time Penny kisses Sheldon it's in a brightly lit conference room and there's no tongue and he's practically having a real, honest-to-god fit about it. Leonard's in the corner in the middle of a similar fit, but coughing, too, and Howard's making all sorts of high-pitched, "Ooooh" noises. Raj is trying to get drunk quicker, but hasn't succeeded and so he just looks like his face is going to explode, he wants to say something so bad.

Oh, and there's mistletoe.

(Or, rather, there's a non-optional social convention hanging poisonously above their heads and a room full of scientists that, despite the biological evidence against it, think Sheldon is incapable of, like, _feeling_, surrounding them.)

Penny's face goes hot afterward and Sheldon wipes a hand against his mouth.

"Not as wet as I would have expected. Thank you for your consideration, Penny."

&amp;&amp;.

The second time Penny kisses Sheldon it's because of some horrible video game bet gone wrong. It's even worse than the first time, despite fewer people witnessing it, because now they _both_ feel forced and he just looks so, so uncomfortable. It lasts for Howard's prescribed four-Mississippis and she goes back to her own apartment right after.

&amp;&amp;.

The third time Penny kisses Sheldon, he kisses her. And while it's nice, it's also kind of, maybe, mostly pretty creepy.

(It's not the kiss that's creepy, that's warm and, you know, not wet.)

(It's what he says afterward.)

"I've reached a point in my life where mating is optimal. Because my genes can do the 'heavy lifting' with regard to intelligence, I've chosen a mate who can also offer physical beauty."

"Sheldon --"

He doesn't stop.

"While I deem such things arbitrary and subjective, it's scientific fact that those who society views as 'attractive' have more opportunities. In essence, our offspring would be _unstoppable_."

There's so fucking much to get through in those few sentences, not the least of which is how much like a comic book villain he sounds talking about "unstoppable" offspring.

She's somewhere between working through it all, when it starts to seem, maybe a little bit like a compliment. This is clearly crazy person talk, so she leaves.

He doesn't bring it up again.

(But she does.)

&amp;&amp;.

The 3,636th time Penny kisses Sheldon she realizes Sheldon has been keeping count their entire relationship, into marriage, the kids and everything. She tells him to inform her when it's a milestone one, like 4,000 or something, and goes in for 3,637.


End file.
